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View Full Version : Top Stupidest things said in a hauned house



KroneDaddy
10-01-2006, 10:20 PM
Alright, last year we collected all our funny stupid questions, along with some "Snappy Answers", and published them in HauntWorld Magazine.

This year will be no different. Be sure and leave them here or e-mail them to me. I love to hear them and others will too. We will collate them into an article for HW.

OK?

KroneDaddy
kronehouse@aol.com

Jim Warfield
10-02-2006, 01:02 AM
Just this afternoon a customer, a man 40? who seemed of at least average intelligence asked me if I built the wine cellar!?
This is a room 31 by 16 feet wide, solid rock floor, 12 ft. high stone arch ceiling, UNDER the house. lower than the basement.
"I sure did! It was the toughest two weeks of my life!"

In another catagory of "stupid things" could be just plain old lies.
I have been told that certain people who I barely know have told their friends that they used to help me built things in this house!?
They must have snuck in when I was asleep between the hours of 2am and 6 and have super-stealth tools?
In the 20 years that I have owned this house I can make a very short list of the few hours that anyone other than myself ever did any kind of work here...can you tell it miffed me to hear this sort of thing?
("If it would have "Muffed" me it would have been alright)

Haunted Castle
10-02-2006, 05:50 AM
#1. Is it Scary
#2. If I get to Scared and come out do I get my money back.

We had 2 pass out Fri night, 18 that had to be brought out and 12 that bought tickets and never entered the door Sat night, of course with signs posted all over the ticket booth that states NO REFUNDS everyone who backed out asked the same question" Can I Get My Money Back" Sunday we posted this sign...


Question-I started to hyperventilate and didn't make it all the way through. (Or) The characters came outside and scared me so bad I didnít even try to go inside,
Do I get my money back?
Let me get this straight. (1) You paid us money to scare you. (2) You got scared. (3) You got even more scared. (4) You got so scared that we had to stop the show to escort you out. (or) I got so scared outside I didnít even try to go inside. No! you don't get your money back! In fact we think you owe us more money.

screamlinestudios
10-02-2006, 03:40 PM
I went into a car dealership the other day and purchased a Geo Prism, when I went to pick it up they tried to give me a Corevette instead! The nerve!

I politely asked them to give me my money back so I could go to a dealership that supplies the bare minumum.

How silly!

I'm now the proud owner of a Geo Prism (I only wish I would have gotten the ash tray upgrade!)

Rats -

Jim Warfield
10-03-2006, 01:11 AM
But the Geo Prism has features a Corvette will never see, like the flat grey paint job, the guard towers and the razor wire! (And time off for good behavior!)
Strange noises coming from the muffler! Someone is trying to tunnel out through the exhaust pipe!

Xeverity
10-03-2006, 04:39 AM
I had a little boy last year (Halloween is just getting started here in the UK) ask me "Why do you scare people that just seems mean?".

I also had "Do you like Halloween?" - No I hate it would you want to do this to your house?
Do you need a liscence to have real skulls? (ours are fake of course)
Do you practice Satanism all year round or just at Halloween? (we don't have any satanic scenes in our haunt as yet)

Jim Warfield
10-03-2006, 08:03 PM
People's mouths and malfunctioning imaginations will do you much worse in the years to come, believe me.
There was an old adage that usually 60% of the gossip you hear is correct but if you are a haunted house person/owner/operator you have opened yourself up for all kinds of wild slanderous stories.
I can't say which story amused me more, the one about satanic services being held here all the time("But I was open anytime anyone showed up back then! Where did I hide all the worshippers and paraphenalia, regalia?)
Or the story that every November I sail off to Cancoon and spend my massive bank account!!?
I have never (physically) been out of the USA in my life.
I seem to have no trouble spending my "massive bank account" just trying to get through the lean winter months til May when business picks up again, unless the weather happens to be real nasty or gas is $5.00, or the state of Illinois decided to rip apart some highway coming into this town or rip out another bridge here.
Those tabloid pictures of me on the southern beaches with movie starletts were faked............by me, who else? hahahaha!

SomeThingInTheIce
10-03-2006, 09:42 PM
I went to Halloween Horror Nights last Saturday and was go through one of the mazes, I turned around and said to my brothers wife "Where are all the scareactors?" only to turn back around and have two of them right up on me with power tools. Yes, I did jump.lol.

Ken Spriggs
10-04-2006, 09:53 AM
How about a phone call we got yesterday?

I plan on coming to your haunted house on October 28th.....DO YOU THINK THE WAIT WILL BE LONG AT 9PM??

Raycliff Manor
10-04-2006, 10:05 AM
Question: How long does it take to go through?

Answer: That depends on how long you cower in the corner or how fast you run through screaming. :twisted:

Kel

gadget-evilusions
10-04-2006, 11:28 AM
How about a phone call we got yesterday?

I plan on coming to your haunted house on October 28th.....DO YOU THINK THE WAIT WILL BE LONG AT 9PM??

Well, let me check my appointment book.......it appears we don't have a reservation at 9:00, our 8:45 should be done peeing themselves by then so you should have no problem.

SomeThingInTheIce
10-04-2006, 06:23 PM
Just damn, to funny.


How about a phone call we got yesterday?

I plan on coming to your haunted house on October 28th.....DO YOU THINK THE WAIT WILL BE LONG AT 9PM??

Well, let me check my appointment book.......it appears we don't have a reservation at 9:00, our 8:45 should be done peeing themselves by then so you should have no problem.

Ken Spriggs
10-05-2006, 08:21 AM
Is this a good haunted house?
Gee like I am going to say NO????
We have been voted in the top 3 haunts in illinois for 7 years??

No lady save your money we suck...but we ARE good at it!!

Jim Warfield
10-05-2006, 12:36 PM
I get:"Is it worth the drive? Is it worth the money?"
Here was Jim's most recent response to this inane question:
I live in a county of only 15,000 retired farmers, most of my customers have to drive some distance to get here whether it is 30, 60 or 120 miles, I have been doing this for almost 20 years, full time, open almost every night of the entire year, this is all I do .'
If they can't figure it out after I have said all of this, they never will.
And guess what? Trying to entertain really stupid people with no clue and no sense of humor is no fun.
I like fun too! (Maybe you should stay home? Whata concept! Sorry, the party starts without you! hahahaha!)
(It can drive some people crazy when you play hard to get!)
Isn't life interesting?

virgil
10-05-2006, 01:16 PM
(overheard after a patron had an 'accident')

question "Do you have a bathroom?"

answer: "From the smell of things you're wearing it".

Joedog
10-06-2006, 08:16 AM
(overheard after a patron had an 'accident')

question "Do you have a bathroom?"

answer: "From the smell of things you're wearing it".

we had one of those last year... thankfully it was LAST group of the night. The smell FILLED the building took almost 30 mins before we could go shut stuff off to close.

Jim Warfield
10-06-2006, 09:00 AM
There are some "Human skunks", "BOO! = "Booper!"
A boy being a human skunk here was finally told by his sister, "If you don't stop doing that, you will be walking back home."
Because it was only a seven mile ride in the car, she might have kept good on her promise!
Butt then chronic uncontrolled pharterz can easilly hide while working in a haunted house! Blame gets reassigned to the passing scared customers!
Yes, I am speaking from experience!
It helps if there are more than just a few people in the room.

Joedog
10-06-2006, 09:24 AM
Butt then chronic uncontrolled pharterz can easilly hide while working in a haunted house! Blame gets reassigned to the passing scared customers!
Yes, I am speaking from experience!


:roll: I refuse to make comment or admit anything at this time

Raycliff Manor
10-06-2006, 09:49 AM
We had one actor working our pitch black room last year who happened to have some gas problems. When people were going through his area and commented on the smell, he would announce out of the darkness, "That;s the smell of death!" Needless to say, I'm sure there was a lot of talk about our "Smellorama"! We had used the Sinnister Scents product as a hook promoting our new "Smellorama" factor last year. :lol:

Kel

Dan Faupel
10-06-2006, 03:33 PM
In one of the scenes up at Darkness we have the natural sinister scent going with this actor who just reeks like feet...I don't dare step foot in his scarebox he works in!...even when he's not there it still smells bad in the whole scene...last night I noticed that his smell was starting to leach over the wall (or through it!) into a neighboring scene...he's a hell of a guy, and a good actor, but damn he stinks!...hehehe...maybe we should get some sinister scents just to cover him up!

I need to pull out that issue of Hauntworld with the snappy comebacks so I can use some of them...do you remember what issue that was in Tim?

Jim Warfield
10-07-2006, 12:05 PM
I try to please the customers and give them what they want(or almost) two nights ago in a small group one woman (in the dark) said the "S" word, I said, "OK." And responded with a noise of pent-up gas (that I was saving for later)
I know, I didn't really quite give her what she was asking for , butt changing my clothes would have added alot of unnecesarry time to their tour.

SpFXChic
10-07-2006, 12:59 PM
In one of the scenes up at Darkness we have the natural sinister scent going with this actor who just reeks like feet...I don't dare step foot in his scarebox he works in!...even when he's not there it still smells bad in the whole scene...last night I noticed that his smell was starting to leach over the wall (or through it!) into a neighboring scene...he's a hell of a guy, and a good actor, but damn he stinks!...hehehe...maybe we should get some sinister scents just to cover him up!

I need to pull out that issue of Hauntworld with the snappy comebacks so I can use some of them...do you remember what issue that was in Tim?

We've had a few of those, too. You could smell them a mile away.

I don't recommend using the Sinister Scents to cover up their smell...they just blend together to make it worse. Have you seen the Renuzit commercial that's out right now? "What's worse than your house smelling like fish? Your house smelling like fish AND flowers." Eeeeeew. I suppose in this case it would be FEET and Barnyard Animal. LOL. *gag*

Rachel
10-08-2006, 10:37 AM
This weekend I had a bunch of coeds come into the front room. They were all hanging all over each other and being really "handsy." I was picking on them about this - saying that did the boyfriend think if he brought his girlfriend down and scared the crap out of her that he would get lucky. The one girlfriend announces "Yeah! Haunted houses make me horny!" (I think Geoff Beck even got this announcment on video).

So I told the girl that I thought we could use that for advertisement purposes "Come on out to Darkwood Manor - it makes girls horny!" I mean what else would drive up attendance like horny girls....

:wink:

Jim Warfield
10-08-2006, 01:41 PM
It has always seemed to me that the percentage of female to male patrons is always higher.
Maybe the females like the excitement , whereas some guys might be fearful of looking abit less brave or manly if they scream like a little girl infront of everyone.
I always thought a radio commercial having a female voice talking about taking her boyfriend to the haunted house would go over pretty well.
Have a little "edge" in her voice as if she already knows what the experience is like and she is anticipating her "man's" possible feaerful reactions, sort of like a little test for him?

Xeverity
10-09-2006, 10:15 AM
The smell o rama sounds interesting and possibly necessary but in my location there are more than enough 'natual' smells without me adding to it - swamp/pond, old damp building, burning cigar, earl grey tea .... and the patrons with their cabbage and baked bean diet!

hsmag
10-14-2006, 01:01 PM
I had one guy last weekend, as he was in my area say "my shirt got dirty! do i get my money back now???" I was tempted to say "yes..we'll GLADLY reimberce you because you decided to wear your good clothes, knowing full well that it could get dirty or torn before you came in."

Then last night, I had a girl that I scared and after I scared her, she got mad and goes "you're mean!!!". Ok...so correct me if I'm wrong...you pay your money to go to the haunted house to get SCARED, then when we do our job, you get pissed??? That's like getting mad at McDonald's for getting your order RIGHT!!!!!

SpFXChic
10-14-2006, 02:59 PM
Had a few in the past few nights in regard to my contact lenses...
"Where did you get your eyes?" (Born with them, same as you)

and

"Are those real?!" (Hmmm, well, let's see here...yes, they are. :shock: )

Rachel
10-14-2006, 03:23 PM
I get the questions about the contact lenses - patrons will lean in close to me and whisper "where did you get your contact lenses" - like I'm going to break character and tell them! so I typically respond with "stay in here long enough your eyes may look like this"

or

they'll say they want my "cool eyes" and I'll offer to give them my eyes if I can have theirs...

Yesterday, obviously, it was Friday the 13th and I would bring the large groups in before the "pre show" and say "Who can tell me what today is?!" and the first group was great "Friday the 13th!!" they all yelled. The second group comes in (and other groups throughout the night) and when I asked "What's today?!" everyone was quiet as one girl said "ummm....Friday?" LOL

Barry
10-16-2006, 11:07 AM
Hard to believe but actually asked this weekend - "Is anybody in there going to jump out and scare me?" Ummm, no this is just like walking through an art gallery... lol

Veneficus
10-16-2006, 10:33 PM
In the room I'm in, we chase the customers to a door in the back of the room that leads to the rest of the haunted house. I play a jester, so I integrate a little comedy into my act. Every once in a while, we'll have people stare at the door for like 10 seconds then say "Uh...........do I open it?" Now, if I was in this postion, I would be thinking "Well, the scare actor isn't opening it. And he's not ushering me to another door. So this must be where I need to go." But these people aren't. So I just say "No, you just stare at it for two and a half hours" Then they get all mad and walk through. Other times if they don't say anything at all, I'll say "Because opening a door is such a hard task......." It gets kind of funny.

CacklestheClown
05-20-2009, 01:05 PM
Where I am in the the house, after leaving my room the customers enter a room with three solid walls and a curtain. If I don't follow them, they'll almost always come back and ask "Where do we go?" And I'll say "Oh, just break a hole in the wall!" or "Through the window!". One person even asked me "Do I just stand here?" and I replied "Sure! We could get to know each other better! What's your favorite blood type?" He didn't stick around.

Fear Unfathomed
05-20-2009, 04:54 PM
"Don't look under your bed"
--"Can I look under your dress?"

Also, one of the other actors I work with has his right arm amputated. He gets a good latex lay up on what's left of his upper arm and walks around shirtless, covered in blood. He told me people ask if he is a hologram because they can't figure out how it's possible.

legendsofthefog
05-20-2009, 06:14 PM
I was talking to Will, my haunted maze manager... he broke away from our conversation in mid sentence to jump out of his place to scare a woman and her children... she screamed... "Oh my god" he replied... "God doesn't work here"