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Rex B. Hamilton
06-24-2009, 09:03 PM
Rex B. Hamilton invites you to the Ironstock Haunt Conference



June 24, 2009



Greetings, Fellow Haunters:


I’m driving this weekend to the Ironstock Haunt Conference in Tell City, Indiana. (The Web site is http://www.theironkingdom.com/Ironstock.) The vendor booths, seminars, art show and more will take place at a 4-H campground under an array of connected pole barns, mounted upon concrete slabs.

What sets Ironstock apart from other haunt shows is its high level of non-stop party activity.

I’ve only been there once, in late June of 2006. On that weekend I witnessed a haunted wedding, the notorious Weasel Ball, a haunted fashion show, a tour of a working haunt, coffin races, a t-shirt toss where each shirt was blasted out of an air cannon. Perhaps you get the picture.

You won’t see many children at Ironstock, but you will see plenty of haunters enjoying adult beverages. You might also see late-night parties at the show’s official hotel. (It has been sold out for some time now.) It was reported that around 800 people attended in 2006.

They also had a hearse rally, multiple frozen Margarita machines on Saturday night, free activities for the kids during the day on Saturday and an abundance of hot temperatures and sunny skies. Expect Mother Nature to throw the low nineties at you this weekend with plenty of humidity courtesy of the Ohio river, only a half mile away.

I haven’t told Ralph “Ironman” Mitchell this yet, but I intend on becoming a volunteer at this year’s Conference. Look for a guy wearing a black (what else?) “Lord Zargon” t-shirt with a list of spook dates on the reverse side. I’ll be happy to answer all your questions.

The Conference’s Web site has an unusual feature - a large, interactive map that shows where all the registered attendees are coming from. The last time I looked, there is an attendee traveling all the way from Hawaii. The show seems to draw a disproportionate share of spookers from the state of Missouri. No one seems to know exactly why.

My spies tell me that this year’s production will be the tenth and, alas, final one. What they’ve whispered in my ear is that Ironman declared some years ago that he would run this Conference for ten years and then gracefully call it a decade. Sadly, 2009 is that year.

Laughing at misery, destruction and death are things we actors and actresses relish with gusto. So what if 2009 is Ironstock’s final gasp, we whisper to each other with a shared, graveyard smirk. It was a great run of fun while it lasted. We’ll always have the memories, the photos and the videos to savor.

I cordially invite you to attend.



Very truly yours,




Rex B. Hamilton

13939 Clifton Boulevard
Lakewood, Ohio 44107-1462
216.973.0050 (Cell)
EvilLordZargon@msn.com