Okay, this is going to sound a bit brutal but if you are using this to assist you in getting a loan or in attracting investors, that document is not going to cut it.
First off, it is clear that you have not done your homework. You shouldn't be saying, for example, that you are going to base your pricing on research not yet conducted. The business plan is exactly the place for that research. You want your reader to know that you have done your homework!
Some things that you need to include are:
Who is the competition? (name them)
How many people do the competition put through? How much to they charge? Are they growing, static or shrinking?
How big will your attraction be compared to the competition?
How much are you going to spend?
How are you going to spend it?
How are you going to market your haunt?
How much will marketing cost?
How many people do you need to put through to break even?
How many people to you hope to put through in the first year?
Where will you get your actors? How much will you pay them?
Perhaps most importantly, you will have to explain the qualifications you have to run this business? They are investing in YOU, what makes that a good investment?
These are just a few of the things that I would want to see in a business plan before I would ever advise a client to consider investing.
I also think that you will need someone else to edit/proof this document, if not write it for you. There are numerous spelling, word usage, and grammatical errors. This simply won't fly in the business world. It looks unprofessional and does not reflect well on you as a businessperson and manager. I can't begin to describe how important that is.
I told you that it was going to be brutal. I am not trying to discourage you, but simply to let you know that you have a long way to go.
Lords of Chaos, LLC
House of Chaos Haunted Attraction