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Thread: "Monkey-Back Haunted House

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  1. Default "Monkey-Back Haunted House 
    #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Ravens Grin Inn, 411 carroll st.mount carroll ill.
    Posts
    12,813
    Yes! If you make it all the way through the Monkey Back Haunted Zoo you will have your original "monkey" reinstated upon your posterior(from whence it originated not too long ago)
    Monkey Back is so much better than "Money Back", better than looking out over those unruly crowds of old women waving their coupon books and pasting those stamps disrupted my good patrons who were trying to get their Halloween Fun-Buzz on.
    How do we get customers to get their Monkey-Back? Well since this is now trademarked, patented and my attorney had me tatttoo it on my forehead, I can tell "All". Simple really. When a customer qualifys we distract them for a second or two as we get into position and them smack tham across their shoulder blades with a Louisville slugger! They bend down Right Now and stay Monkey-Backed for quite some time.
    For a small anal fee they can join our Banana Of The Month Club. This month's free product test is knukle-dragger's Lotion.
     

  2. Default Like 
    #2
    Like, too funny Jim only you, lol
     

  3. Default  
    #3
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Clinton Twp, Michigan
    Posts
    414
    I want it known that I was also the first one to do a "Monkey Back" Haunted House as well. It seems I can't get through a single day without someone stealing one of my ideas! I am now really fed up with kind of stuff going on. Mr. Warfield, you should be aware that I have contacted my lawyer about you. Expect a cease and desist order in the mail next week!

    Enough of this monkey business now!

    Howie "Slobber" Erlich

    www,DeadlyIntentionsHaunt.com
    www.MonkeyBackHaunts.com
     

  4. Default But Have You called .. 
    #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Ravens Grin Inn, 411 carroll st.mount carroll ill.
    Posts
    12,813
    Your monkey witneses?
    what if mine are all older than yours? What if there are some monkeys on the jury? What if some of my monkeys want to monkey around with your monkeys?
    My attorney used to work in a zoo monkey house, he is an absolute monkey -expert! (He had no difficulty finding an expensive suit with room for his tail in the back of it.. curled up, of course.)
    I know by reputation, that he will eat up any slippery a-peel your lawyer will make.
     

  5. Default  
    #5
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Clinton Twp, Michigan
    Posts
    414
    That may all be true Jim however, I just want to warn you that I have trained my monkeys to fling their poop with amazing accuracy. They also look really cute and convincing when the put on their little suits and smile at the judge. Who wouldn't trust those faces. Did I also mention that my legal defense team is made up of Jane Goodall, Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall & Mark Wahlberg? If you think you can go against that then let me know.

    Otherwise we can discuss settling out of court for some bananas, a tire swing, a few new trees, 25 cases of Pampers for monkeys and you coming over once a month to help with the flea and tick picking!

    Let me know how you want to handle it.

    Howie "Kong" Erlich
     

  6. Default  
    #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Tyler, Texas, United States
    Posts
    2,614
    I feel like I just watched an episode of Lancealot Link.


    Another fabulous post from the U.S.Department of Wild Imaginings, now in spectaclar stereo, sponsored by the Adhesives and Sealants Council, suggesting ways to stick things together since the 1800s. Not fabulous in a gay way. Your results may vary. Illinois residents add 8% sales tax. These posts have been made by professional post makers, do not try this type of posting on your own without extensive training, lovely assistants and a trusty clown horn.
     

  7. Default  
    #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    540
    ROFL! Made my night. OMFG that other thread is horrible.

    Jim, you DA 'MAN!

    K, ima go wipe my tears from laughing at yall's posts. I got a more serious question to be asking.
     

  8. Default My Attorney Will be contacting you! 
    #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Ravens Grin Inn, 411 carroll st.mount carroll ill.
    Posts
    12,813
    Via Screaming Villagers Conga-Drum Communications systems. Attorney's KONG & Young are grabbing the case(because the case had "Bananas" stenciled on it)
    Their top flight legal secretary Ms. Ray might not be attending since she is now wheelchair-bound after all these years of being with Mr. Kong's firm ("Firm" what?)
    Having studied the old films closely Attorney Kong (just call him "King") has learned a tactical lesson and now employes three squadrons of Flying Monkeys to provide air cover against any old fools in bi-planes, so we will be there!
    Mr. Kong and Mr. Young have booked accommodations on the 50 yard line at the nearest football stadium, they have not trimmed the astro turf just for their sleeping comfort.
    They arrive via rail road flat car in the morning.
     

  9. Default  
    #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    352
    I want my damn Monkey Back!
    Joshua
    www.hauntedprints.com
    info?hauntedprints.com

     

  10. Default "You Want Your Monkey Back!" 
    #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Ravens Grin Inn, 411 carroll st.mount carroll ill.
    Posts
    12,813
    Fresh? Freeze-dried? Frozen? Frisky? Do you actually want all of the monkey or could you be satisied with just a piece of tail?
     

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